Last September because of the said break-up I had my facebook account temporary deactivated. You see, I am putting the blame on the said social networking site. Who would not? Ours is a long distance relationship and for 4 years, we communicate through text messaging and through calls. Then last April he joined FB (facebook). I told myself, we could talk more often now.
Also on that same month, cellphone networks had updated their services; facebook can now be easily accessed through WAP. Suncellular (one of the networks) offered free txt-based browsing for FB. At work I have a fast connection for SUN WAP, and it’s free, so anytime I want I can check my FB account.
But well, FB worked against us. He’s new to this kind of technology, while I am not. I learned how to use the internet years back. It’s one of the things I am good at. I learned internet the first time when it was first introduced in Baguio year 1998. So I am really an expert. For newbie’s, it’s like being in a jungle that if you don’t know the way you’ll get lost.
September is my birth month. And it happened on September 1, 2011. He ended everything through a series of text message. It’s a very cold way to end 4+ years of relationship. And the most hurtful thing that he told me was he never loved me for the past 4 years. A lie, he had been courting me for the 15 years. Everyone knows that I am his long time crush. Love cannot only be expressed by words but also by action, and he had shown me that for those years.
We’ve know each other since our childhood years. We were childhood friends; he was even my first crush. I never thought my “kababata” will do that to me. Sure, we can end things but not that way. So I kept my silence for months, remove all the entries here in my blog. I removed life events in my timeline. I’m just too proud to admit that I made a very terrible mistake in my life. A perfectionist like me, don’t easily accept a failure.
On my 34th birthday, my friends asked my younger sister, where’s my facebook. They can’t even greet me and post in my wall. Some of them know my cp number, and they greeted me through text message. And some of them posted their greetings in my sister’s facebook wall. And they are the one who told my sis that I was MIA (Missing in Action).
Then I realized why be so sad, I am blessed. I have many friends. For the past years I am an absentee friend to my college barkada. When that happened, the first person I remembered calling was one of my closest friend in college. Most of my best friends are no longer here in the Philippines, they have already migrated to US and to other parts of the world. They’re busy with their work and kids that I don’t want to bother them anymore. She did not complain though that I only remember calling her now that I need someone to talk. She’s my angel.
Also at work, I am not alone. There are 3 of us who undergone break-up . Theirs could not be called a “break-up” but rather they separated from their husbands. I call our group, “Grupo ng Sawi” ( Group of the Broken hearted). They help me move on and be happy despite of what happened. Our president (I am the secretary, I am accepting members in case you want to join hehehe) told me, “Makaunget ka pay Jean? Bay bay an mon, Bag sika ket boyfriend mo laeng, Makabirok ka latta ti kasukat na!” Their relationship with their husbands was not mended even at this time. They are good support group; they had helped me cope up with the loss, and accepted that these things happen for a purpose.
My family also had been very supportive. I am really blessed, to be where I am now. Facing it alone is hard, but with my family and friends here, I had healed and moved on.
Facebook was never the culprit, I realized it now. It is still us the users. Blaming it was a very childish thing to do.
But I need to be away and be silent for a while. It’s like being in a crossroad, and thinking which way to go. There are no roads that would lead you back. All roads will keep you moving forward. My facebook page may mislead you but not this blog. I may look younger than my age, but I am a strong person. Being in and out of a relationship had been part of my life for the past few years. And every time it happens I can stand up and face the world again, it just takes some time.
My favourite song I play in church goes,
Umasa ka sa Diyos ang mabuti’y gawin
At Manahan kang ligtas sa lupain
Sa Diyos mo hanapin ang kaligayahan
At pangarap mo ay makakamtan.
Trust in the Lord. Surely He knows what He’s doing. I am praying though that my “Oasis” will stay forever. I am keeping my fingers crossed. (^-^)
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