Drawn to A Furnace

The moth was attracted to the flame. Mother moth told her, “Stay away or you’ll get burned.” As usual, she had a mind of her own, she said, “Moths die anyway, I want to give my life to that flame”.

Little by little she goes near the lamp. Observing every now and then how the flame danced as it flickers it’s light. The warmth was so comforting, and she said to herself, I don’t mind if I get burned.

She knows too, something separates her from the flame. A glass barrier and she never understood how such a barrier exists. Maybe she told herself, for the flame to continue burning, to prevent it from being extinguished from the strong wind.

She can fly, enter the flame through the opening, but she knows that’s a stupid thing to do. Not her character to rush and do things in haste. She’d done that then, and she failed her purpose. She is a very patient moth.

She almost got burned once. But up to that point that she had to fly near the flame she had changed her mind. A very close call, maybe she’s scared after all. She’s just pretending to be fearless but the truth is she’ll be first one to run when it’s time to go. The flame then run out of gas and had stopped burning.

And then, here she is again. She is planning to give her life to another flame, a hotter furnace, brighter lamp and a special kind of fuel. This time she told herself, I will not be scared.  Patiently she’s waiting for the glass barrier to be removed. The master will remove it, she’s confident of that.

I’ll wait, she said, it’s a chance in a lifetime. I’ll give my life to that flame, I won’t mind if I’ll lose my life that way. At least I had done something that only 10% of the moth population had ever done. This is to offer one’s life without asking anything in return. It may be stupid for some, but my story will live on.

The flame will notice that, this I know, that for the whole time that it keeps on burning, one moth had the courage to go beyond what others never did. And for the flame, that moth will always be very special, the only moth who is willing to give her life for him. God is good, the flame said, finally a moth meant for him. He’s glad he waited.

Of Shadows and Sundials

Sundial Dreams by Kevin Kern

I am a research addict. That’s why google is my favorite search engine. I search even my name every now and then. Thus I searched “his” name. And one of the results was a music sheet titled, Sundial Dreams by Kevin Kern. From such I know that he’s a pianist. Like my mentors (who are both younger than me) and my first boyfriend.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 25 years old. He’s a nurse, also a pianist. I even gave him some of my piano pieces, those very difficult ones. He was the one who kept on telling my mother, “God willing, Ma”. But again no matter how much you wanted something, when it still not’s God’s time and plan, you would not end up together. We move on with our lives, he’s married now, and migrated to US.

What about shadows and sundials?

“Never fear shadows they simply mean there is light shining somewhere”
-tpp,md march 23, 2012 3am

TEOF76,MD and the SUNDIAL AT THE GRIFFITH OBSERVATORY, LA,CA, USA

FRANCIS with the SUNDIAL, a close up Shot

There are three factors to cast a shadow. A light source, an object and the angle and distance from the light source. Sundials are made from that theory. One can tell time by using such. But well they all rely on the light source, the sun.

If I am the sun, the brightest star, why would I fear a mere shadow? Shadows rely on my light for their existence. I don’t really care how many shadows produced by my extensive light, I am here to shine, and that’s why I do best. Then I’ll do that for the rest of my life.

Done were the days I am just a mere shadow. Just be the one among the rest. There always a time to shine. Someone did come and said “Why are you keeping it, your talents, your skills, and your capacity to be a “sun”. Somebody has to do it, and this time God chose you. And you have no choice but to do it now.”

A shadow is just a shadow. Very few notice it, only those who fear the intense heat of the sun and those who are tired of too much sun exposure. Vampires surely, they’ll gladly appreciate a shadow.

One more thing, if one is afraid of a shadow, what will happen if there’s total darkness? No light at all. One can be disoriented, lost and a living dead perhaps. (Just a thought)

There a song I’ve learned when I was in high school choir, it goes. “Be not afraid, I go before you always, Come, follow me and I will give you rest”. We sung this song during a Baccalaureate Mass of 1994 in SLU – Baguio City, when again I was a member of LITCOM Ministry of Sacred Music. That same song was our entrance song.

So I never fear anything, dark alleys, darkness, sickness, broken relationships and storms. Why would I be, God says so, “Be not afraid”. And surely I won’t.

And as for shadows, I really appreciate shadows casted through my light. I just hope that during those times that they were my shadows, they have learned a lot, and when it’s their time, I hope they allow themselves to shine.

JAMY at the GRIFFITH OBSERVATORY

THE GRIFFITH OBSERVATORY

Griffith Observatory is a facility in Los Angeles, California sitting on the south-facing slope of Mount Hollywood in Los Angeles' Griffith Park. It commands a view of the Los Angeles Basin, including Downtown Los Angeles to the southeast, Hollywood to the south, and the Pacific Ocean to the southwest. The observatory is a popular tourist attraction with an extensive array of space and science-related displays. Since the observatory opened in 1935, admission has been free, in accordance with Griffith's will.

3,015 acres (12.20 km²) of land surrounding the observatory was donated to the City of Los Angeles by ColonelGriffith J. Griffith on December 16, 1896.^[1] In his will Griffith donated funds to build an observatory, exhibit hall, andplanetarium on the donated land. Griffith's objective was to make astronomy accessible by the public, as opposed to the prevailing idea that observatories should be located on remote mountaintops and restricted to scientists.^[2]

Griffith drafted detailed specifications for the observatory. In drafting the plans, he consulted with Walter Adams, the future director of Mount Wilson Observatory, and George Ellery Hale, who founded (with Andrew Carnegie) the first astrophysical telescope in Los Angeles.^[2]

Griffith_Observatory On Wikipedia

Official Site of Griffith Observatory

More than an Open (Love) Letter

Someone told me he prefers an open (love) letter. This is my blog, some of the entries here are love letters (sort of). I don’t know if he knows that this blog exists. This whole blog is not just a letter, rather an open book.



Writing is a talent I had perfected since I was in elementary days. My father was a seaman. But unlike other seaman who sees their work as a profession, my father did not see it that way. He viewed his work as a means to earn more. So he’ll work for 2 straight years abroad, saved some money. Returned here in the Philippines, invested that money to any business that he liked, which most of the time goes bankrupt (I don’t why) and then go back again for work abroad. His earnings were the one we used to finance our college education. My mother’s salary was not enough.



Mama urged as always to write letters. She told us that life abroad is difficult. So that when Papa was not that busy He had something to read; to remind him of home. So write we did. My youngest sister, on her letters, would even tell stories about her pet dogs and cats. My parent’s sacrifices had been the catalyst for us to strive more. We knew that education was our way out of poverty. We did not let our parents down. My father is now a retired seaman, my mother soon to be a retired government employee. And us their daughters are all employed and have our own careers. Our parents’ sacrifices had been our inspiration.




Only a few had the time to write now. There’s internet, and it had made our world smaller. Communicating with our love ones is a lot easier.

Why I prefer writing here? One reason, I could easily preview my work prior to publication. Blogspot is a writer’s world. And editing is easier. Unlike on facebook, once you posted it on the wall, you can no longer edit it.

Not all people have the maturity to accept that some will share their life on a blog like this. Only a few will prefer an open “love letter”. It’s like telling the whole world that if you had the talent why not express it. It’s useless if you just keep it. God gave it to you so better make use of it. I write not just to document the events of the day but also to share my ideas. My grandparents are good story tellers, some of those stories died with them. So if we don’t write it, publish and share our stories it’s totally pointless. Not all of us walk the same path. Our stories and experiences differ from each other.

I like him a lot, the one who prefers to live life openly.  It’s a sign of maturity, to accept life’s struggles. To admit to the whole world that one makes mistakes. He inspires me to write again and use that talent to inspire people. He had been a very good friend. I did not ask, but He came.Deo Gratias!

(I've edited some parts, the advantage of blogger.. april 30, 2012) 

Precious as Gold

A dream came upon me

Offered jewels made of gold

I willingly accepted it

A gift it was told

 

Then everything changed

The giver suddenly disappeared

Leaving me in wonder

How can one love any other

 

Questions unanswered

Like why give gold

Silver may just be enough

And love fought not sold

 

Seasons came

Time flew

Answerd did came

Then I found you

 

You are the hidden treasure

More precious than gold

How come no one found you

Except me the one called

 

You will always be

My healer and my strength

You’ve found my heart

In the desert full of filth

 

One of these days

You’ll read this

Written when I found peace

With your love I am blest

 ~March 12, 2012

To: tppII  From: jyn

Copyright: Jyn2012

M.I.A. Friend

Last September because of the said break-up I had my facebook account temporary deactivated. You see, I am putting the blame on the said social networking site. Who would not? Ours is a long distance relationship and for 4 years, we communicate through text messaging and through calls. Then last April he joined FB (facebook). I told myself, we could talk more often now.

Also on that same month, cellphone networks had updated their services; facebook can now be easily accessed through WAP. Suncellular (one of the networks) offered free txt-based browsing for FB. At work I have a fast connection for SUN WAP, and it’s free, so anytime I want I can check my FB account.

But well, FB worked against us. He’s new to this kind of technology, while I am not. I learned how to use the internet years back. It’s one of the things I am good at. I learned internet the first time when it was first introduced in Baguio year 1998. So I am really an expert. For newbie’s, it’s like being in a jungle that if you don’t know the way you’ll get lost.

September is my birth month. And it happened on September 1, 2011. He ended everything through a series of text message. It’s a very cold way to end 4+ years of relationship. And the most hurtful thing that he told me was he never loved me for the past 4 years. A lie, he had been courting me for the 15 years. Everyone knows that I am his long time crush. Love cannot only be expressed by words but also by action, and he had shown me that for those years.

We’ve know each other since our childhood years. We were childhood friends; he was even my first crush. I never thought my “kababata” will do that to me. Sure, we can end things but not that way. So I kept my silence for months, remove all the entries here in my blog. I removed life events in my timeline. I’m just too proud to admit that I made a very terrible mistake in my life. A perfectionist like me, don’t easily accept a failure.

On my 34th birthday, my friends asked my younger sister, where’s my facebook. They can’t even greet me and post in my wall. Some of them know my cp number, and they greeted me through text message. And some of them posted their greetings in my sister’s facebook wall. And they are the one who told my sis that I was MIA (Missing in Action).

Then I realized why be so sad, I am blessed. I have many friends. For the past years I am an absentee friend to my college barkada. When that happened, the first person I remembered calling was one of my closest friend in college. Most of my best friends are no longer here in the Philippines, they have already migrated to US and to other parts of the world. They’re busy with their work and kids that I don’t want to bother them anymore. She did not complain though that I only remember calling her now that I need someone to talk. She’s my angel.

Also at work, I am not alone. There are 3 of us who undergone break-up . Theirs could not be called a “break-up” but rather they separated from their husbands. I call our group, “Grupo ng Sawi” ( Group of the Broken hearted). They help me move on and be happy despite of what happened. Our president (I am the secretary, I am accepting members in case you want to join hehehe) told me, “Makaunget ka pay Jean? Bay bay an mon, Bag sika ket boyfriend mo laeng, Makabirok ka latta ti kasukat na!” Their relationship with their husbands was not mended even at this time. They are good support group; they had helped me cope up with the loss, and accepted that these things happen for a purpose.

My family also had been very supportive. I am really blessed, to be where I am now. Facing it alone is hard, but with my family and friends here, I had healed and moved on.

Facebook was never the culprit, I realized it now. It is still us the users. Blaming it was a very childish thing to do.

But I need to be away and be silent for a while. It’s like being in a crossroad, and thinking which way to go. There are no roads that would lead you back. All roads will keep you moving forward. My facebook page may mislead you but not this blog. I may look younger than my age, but I am a strong person. Being in and out of a relationship had been part of my life for the past few years. And every time it happens I can stand up and face the world again, it just takes some time.

My favourite song I play in church goes,
Umasa ka sa Diyos ang mabuti’y gawin
At Manahan kang ligtas sa lupain
Sa Diyos mo hanapin ang kaligayahan
At pangarap mo ay makakamtan.

Trust in the Lord. Surely He knows what He’s doing. I am praying though that my “Oasis” will stay forever. I am keeping my fingers crossed. (^-^)

Act II: Bee Happy

I am making up with the time lost for the past years of not updating my blog. I thought a few months back that I no longer have this talent of writing. Almost 5 years of not documenting anything. I was in love with someone who can’t even tell me the truth. And of course, I was too “dedma” to notice that our relationship is not doing well. Sayang lang kasi yong lost time. I am the kind of person na, if ayaw huwag pilitin, and if di ka sure eh di huwag. So pag di kasi puwede huwag nang patagalin. Sabihin in a nice way, kasi there’s really a way of saying and ending things na di naman ganoon masasaktan ang tao.

Few years back I handle a HIV Testing Lab. And since I am the one trained, I am the one who will tell a patient that he’s HIV positive. It’s really a depressing job, it was never easy. Telling them, that they got few years to live was really a difficult task. That’s why I did not renew my proficiency for HIV anymore, and I noticed that if I am the one handling it, there’s always a confirmed HIV patient. But there is really a way of telling that won’t hurt that much.

Act II, Bee Happy. Everyone smiles if they see Jollibee. Jollibee is the official mascot of the most popular food chain here, the Jollibee Food Corporation. I am Jollibee, without the mask. Many times people approach me here and ask, “O kailan na ang kasal?”. This is a small town, and people know each other lives. It’s who we are, and it’s fine with me, even if they keep on asking. A few months back, I can’t answer that with a jolly face. But now, I just smile, and I say “Malapit na po!” I don’t even have a groom, but they don’t know that. If I’ll tell them the truth, hahaba pa. So better lie. Well, if they want to know, just read this blog.

Even if you’re stressed, watching Jollibee dancing through the tune of “Waca Waca” will surely bring smile to your face. There’s no age group that Jollibee cannot touch, even seniors feel young when they see him. I am happy now, and I promised myself to enjoy life and always touch other people’s lives by being happy.

Some quotes

“May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy”

Never let go of hope one day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself, “How did I get through all that?”

Thus the road to happiness is not to give up hope. Someone will come to make me happy, maybe a fellow Jollibee.