Heart of Mine

I can’t think of a working title so I just borrowed a title of a song. And since it’s February, it’s right and apt that I’ll write about my long lost heart.

This blog had changed since September of 2011, because of my stupidity I had deleted all the previous entries here. Sometimes when you’re confused you tend to blame anything and anyone who comes your way. And that month I was very depressed, angry and hurt.

My ex-fiancé whom I loved so much broke up with me, with reasons that until now I don’t understand. I was very confused, who would not be, right? After a very long engagement, he is not yet sure of himself. And these happened on my birth month, I tell you my 34th birthday was my saddest birthday.

But then it’s been 5 months. I always tell, that time heals all wounds. And though many times I got hurt of loving and losing someone, it can never stop me from loving and trusting again. I am a scientist right? And scientists never ever give up. If they do, they cannot invent and discover things that are important in our lives. Enough for the crying and holding on, It’s already February and the time has come for me to move on.

Figuratively and literally, someone stole my heart. Boarded Saudia Airlines, arrived at KSA and throw my heart either in the sewer or maybe somewhere in the hot and humid desert. I wish someone would bring it back to me, He could have found it on the Red Sea or maybe the current had already brought it somewhere in Arabian Sea. If it can’t be found, well I guess I need a new heart. Or he could just share his heart to me, and teach me how to love, trust and hope again.

Loving is never easy. These experiences had taught me what I really wanted. God knows what it is. And I believe that He will grant it to me one of these days. I’ll wait. It’s His will anyway, not mine.

I visioned my ex fiancé then as a superhero. Blame my heart for seeing him that way, too much reading of fairy tale books when I was a kid. I won’t remove that entry, I’ll leave it here. This is my secluded spot. Only those who know the way getting here may read about these. This is who I am, flawed but still worth loving. I know someone will come. I hope it will be soon.